On Hold

Imagine waking up in the middle of the night to a police officer standing over you asking your name, the year you were born and what city you lived in … and not knowing the answer.

I’d just had a seizure…

My first real memory of the night aside from the glimpses of the paramedics and police officer was in the Emergency Room where they hooked me up to a machine that monitored my heart, them taking blood and giving me an IV for my headache, and doing a CT scan of my brain. The results of those tests all came back normal and I had an appointment today to have an EEG, which also came back normal.

Until the Peace Corps medical office approves me for service, my departure is indefinite.

I may or may not be leaving for Paraguay. They said it was still possible to start training late but I’m not getting my hopes up. I’ve been willing to go wherever they need me, and I’m still willing to go wherever they need me. I’ve just had my sights set on Paraguay for so long now that anywhere else will take a while to get used to.

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Change of Address

Reality Hits

Until now, leaving for Paraguay has felt distant…the reality of the situation hadn’t yet set in.

I could talk about how I was leaving, what I might be doing while I serve, and the challenges I’ll face at home and in Paraguay. But it was all in the abstract…until a couple days ago when I received my staging letter.

At that moment, reality hit me like a ton of bricks.

I’m leaving.

For two years…

“Can I do this?

“Am I smart enough?”

“What if…”

I’ll be honest … I’m slightly terrified. Doubt and fear have made my mind their home. I just have to keep reminding myself that if my dreams don’t scare me, I’m not dreaming big enough. I know in my heart that I’ll be just fine. There will no doubt be struggles along the way. I’ll miss home. I’ll feel lonely at night when I lay my head down to sleep. I’ll doubt my impact.

Despite all this, I’m ready for the challenge.

I begin my life as a Peace Corps Volunteer on Tuesday, September 25th at 10 am. I fly into Miami for orientation, and leave for Paraguay the next day.

My life will never be the same.

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